For Married Women Only: Three Principles for Honoring Your Husband

9 January, 2019
For Married Women Only: Three Principles for Honoring Your Husband

by Tony Evans
My rating: 1 of 5 stars

How is a wife to love her husband – submit, seduce and surrender. That’s what God wants. It’s pleasing to Him. We’re gonna put pressure on you feminists, give it up, God doesn’t like it. You’re supposed to be the inferior partner, just accept it or else we will be unhappy and you don’t want that do you? DO YOU? You know what will happen, we are telling you, GOD will be displeased and that means He will PUNISH you. For husbands who’d like to do it themselves, there are many websites saying that Domestic Discipline is the proper way for their marriage.

On this website, there are many biblical verses justifying a husband beating his wife. It goes into implements, positions and number of lashes appropriate. However I believe all of that is just justification for this:

“This act also gives you, the husband, a release of anger and disappointment which allows your relationship to become immediately bonded in a closeness you may have otherwise never achieved.


This is the blurb:[

How is a wife to love her husband? By learning three things, says Tony Evans: how to submit, seduce, and surrender to her husband. Out of these three principles a godly marriage will grow. In For Married Women Only, pastor and author Tony Evans explores these three principles in a straight-forward yet encouraging manner. He unpacks the touchy topic of submission and lays out the rewards inherent in this biblical model. On seduction, Evans looks at the quality of attractiveness and how embodying it can be pleasing to your spouse and to God. And with surrender, readers will examine why a wife is the perfect helpmate for her husband and how to combat attitudes opposed to God’s design]

I’ve just been reading a book about the extremes of this, Infidel by the wonderful Ayaan Hirsi Ali and there she was railing against Islam for forcing women into this and here we have a Christian pastor saying yes, this is what God, Pastors, Men, Husbands want women to do.

What I would like to know is this. How come it is men who write the ‘holy’ books, how come it is men that all know exactly what God, who is male of course, wants? How come that each little sect of a religion says that no, other sects were wrong, this is what God wants and what He always wants is that men control women? And how come God is said to be merciful and compassionate, except when it comes to women?

Why do a lot of men the world over want women like this? Can’t they handle strong, self-directed women who don’t want to be their ‘helpmates’ but their friends and partners in marriage? Why not? You can’t truly be friends with someone who has to obey you, who has to be submissive, because you can’t truly know if they mean what they say or they are just pleasing you. You can only be friends with your equals. Submission in marriage should be a game to play in bed, just for fun. Out of bed, friends and equals have much more fun, honest.

___________________________

COMMENTS (I wanted to keep them before BlackOxford deletes any more, since I banned and blocked!)


message 1:
 by La-LionneJun 01, 2015 11:54PM

La-Lionne

That title *snorts*. 
Great review, Petra. 

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message 2: by Cecily (last edited Jun 02, 2015 12:02AM)Jun 02, 2015 12:01AM

Cecily

Grim.

But perhaps not quite as bad as this “tasteful” (it’s illustrated, and in rhyme) book for young children about how they can avoid Hell: The Cage.

Excerpts and comments in this Patheos blog post: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendly…

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message 3: by DarenJun 02, 2015 12:18AM

Daren

Haha. Tony Evans must have the ladies queueing up to be his luck wife… 

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message 4: by Fionnuala (last edited Jun 02, 2015 01:09AM)Jun 02, 2015 01:07AM

Fionnuala

Where do you find these books, P – oh, I forgot – the bookshop! And you shelve this under Farce I hope!
Seriously though, perhaps it should be shelved under Horror….or Sado-Masochism 

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message 5: by MaritaJun 02, 2015 02:03AM

Marita

Aaaaaaarrrrrrggghh!!!!!!!!!! 

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message 6: by Jan-MaatJun 02, 2015 03:28AM

Jan-Maat

There’s a lot you can justify by recourse to the Bible 

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message 7: by ChrisJun 02, 2015 04:09AM

Chris

I just want to cry. 

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message 8: by MaraJun 02, 2015 04:52AM

Mara

Petra, I’m guessing you’ve already seen this oldie but goodie letter in response to Dr. Laura (a radio personality), but your review reminded me of it, and it cracks me up every time:

Dear Dr. Laura, 

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God’s Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind him that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. 

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the specific laws and how to best follow them. 

When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odour for the Lord (Lev. 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odour is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them? 

I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her? 

I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev. 15:19–24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense. 

Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can’t I own Canadians? 

I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself? 

A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Lev. 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don’t agree. Can you settle this? 

Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here? 

Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die? 

I know from Lev. 11:6–8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves? 

My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Lev. 24:10–16) Couldn’t we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14) 

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God’s word is eternal and unchanging. 

Your devoted disciple and adoring fan, 

J. Kent Ashcraft

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message 9: by Mona – added itJun 02, 2015 06:35AM

Mona

Mara wrote: “Petra, I’m guessing you’ve already seen this oldie but goodie letter in response to Dr. Laura (a radio personality), but your review reminded me of it, and it cracks me up every time: 
Dear Dr. L…”
lol!!! Good one!

Petra, I agree with your review completely. 

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message 10: by Petra X – rated it 1 starJun 02, 2015 06:52AM

Petra X

Mara – Oldie but goodie? Really? Maybe if you are a Christian you can just take it word for word. But maybe if you are Jewish you will look a bit deeper and see it wasn’t just rubbish, but maybe had a much nastier import as it quotes only from the Old Testament which Christians commonly believe holds the same sway over Jews as the New Testament does over them. The letter is signed by a probably Christian name and sent to a Jewish woman. So it makes me think…

The writer ignores Oral Law, the Talmud, which is taken with the Torah and is an equal footing with it. Christianity and Islam both have holy books which are to some set in stone, it is their words that are to be taken and interpreted. Judaism does not have that. 

The Koran and the New Testament used in prayer services are printed with just the words of the books. The Chumash, which is the Old Testament printed for prayer services is in three sections. The first quarter is vernacular translation, the second quarter is the hebrew and the last half the rabbinical commentary interpreting the words. 

It should be said that there is no final authority in Judaism on what words actually mean or their interpretation. There is only guidance and tradition.

Btw all laws to do with sacrifices were to do with the Temple. When the second temple was destroyed, all those laws were too, they could no longer be kept.

As far as stonings and other death sentences are concerned. They are almost impossible as there have to be four independent witnesses who did not know each other at the time of the crime and don’t know each other at the time of the trial. Eichmann. Who else? Anyone? Perhaps not…

Did you know slaves’ children were free? Did you know that they had to be freed in the seventh year unless they had been absent for more than four years?

As far as not eating pig or wearing mixed fibres, or reckoning menstruating women were unclean the Jews have their totally barmy people too. There also the fundamentalists, the women-controllers and the truly evil who use the Torah and Talmud to justify their views. Men are men. Women don’t get any say in making or interpreting these laws no matter what religion we discuss. 

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message 11: by MaraJun 02, 2015 08:10AM

Mara

Mummy wrote: “Mara – Oldie but goodie? Really? Maybe if you are a Christian you can just take it word for word. But maybe if you are Jewish you will look a bit deeper and see it wasn’t just rubbish.”

Since I am Jewish (Bat Mizvah-ed and all, though decidedly non-practicing), I guess the religion hypothesis didn’t bear out in this case. Misogyny seems to rear its ugly head in sects of the Judeo-Christian big three, but that’s just based on my experience and what I’ve observed. I remember the menstrual mikveh thing boggling my seven- or eight-year-old mind when I went to my first orthodox(ish) Bar Mitzvah and the topic somehow came up.

I liked the letter and found it humorous (as I did A.J. Jacobs‘ The Year of Living Biblically) because they highlight the arbitrary ways in which people (and when I say people, I’m not talking talmudic scholars) seem to have a way of picking and choosing which elements of the bible (testaments old, new and/or newer) to interpret literally, depending on what they want to justify (as you stated). 

Maybe the author of the letter had some deeper intent that I didn’t read into, but I guess my superficial take is more of the “if we didn’t laugh we’d cry” bent…kind of like with the Leviticus tattoo meme*:

* I have my own ink , but none religiously-related. 

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message 12: by Petra X – rated it 1 starJun 02, 2015 08:27AM

Petra X

Misogyny rules the world. The last great frontier of freedom is the enslavement of women whether willing or otherwise. Men are men. Whatever religion they belong to they use for justification. And if no religion, like in work, then they mutter stuff like ‘it’s no good getting another woman lawyer in. As soon as she makes partner she’ll want to have kids’ and such like (my friend is HR in a big legal firm). This presumes that women have to look after babies, men have Careers and shouldn’t have to be responsible for their children other than financially. One way or another women get screwed. But not by all men. There are also a lot of lovely men who like women and don’t regard us as anything but equals and never have. We just need more of them in the world and that relies on education. And that goes back to the book Infidel that has me so worked up. As Ayaan Hirsi Ali says, no faith schools. That would help. 

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message 13: by MaraJun 02, 2015 09:59AM

Mara

Mummy wrote: “Misogyny rules the world.”

Sad, but true. I found Knowing Your Value: Women, Money, and Getting What You’re Worth to be a surprising eye-opener for me in terms of how much I tend to de-value my own worth in a way that reflects a lot of the typical social gendernormative stereotypes and expectations…and I’m not exactly a shrinking violet. 

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message 14: by Petra X – rated it 1 starJun 02, 2015 05:14PM

Petra X

Mara wrote: “…in terms of how much I tend to de-value my own worth…”

I was reading The Making of a Chef and in it Ruhlman says that one of his lecturers says that all religion is at root and attempt to control women’s fertility and men’s jealousy of it! Something to think on when you are feeling not as valuable as you are. There isn’t anything more valuable for any plant, creature or person than reproducing, producing life. 

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message 15: by ChrisJun 02, 2015 06:38PM

Chris

I just finished The Veil and the Male Elite: A Feminist Interpretation of Women’s Rights in Islam, and it is rather interesting because when Mernissi goes into how men enamoured of tribal customs perverted Islam, you can see the similarities to Christianity. (I would even presume Judism, but I’m not entirely sure about that. My knowledge of Christianity is greater). 

Does anyone know if Ali’s reading list for her seminar is online? 

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message 16: by Petra X – rated it 1 starJun 02, 2015 11:55PM

Petra X

I looked but couldn’t find it. Write to her from her website, she might send you the list. 

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message 17: by JimJun 03, 2015 04:40AM

Jim

Mara wrote: “Petra, I’m guessing you’ve already seen this oldie but goodie letter in response to Dr. Laura (a radio personality), but your review reminded me of it, and it cracks me up every time: 
Dear Dr. L…”

Thanks for sharing that letter, Mara. Absolutely hilarious! 

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message 18: by MaraJun 03, 2015 06:36AM

Mara

Finally found this Pat Robertson gem of insanity: 

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message 19: by JoeJun 03, 2015 06:41AM

Joe

Mara wrote: “Finally found this Pat Robertson gem of insanity: 

… kick their dogs, burn cities, watch the Star Wars prequels, let their armpits go unshaven… 

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message 20: by MaraJun 03, 2015 07:51AM

Mara

Joseph wrote: “… kick their dogs, burn cities, watch the Star Wars prequels, let their armpits go unshaven….”

The man’s a veritable plethora of wisdom! 

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message 21: by ChrisJun 03, 2015 12:56PM

Chris

Hey! My being a feminist had nothing to do with my watching the Star Wars prequels. It was Lucas brain washing that did that! 

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message 22: by JoeJun 03, 2015 03:59PM

Joe

Chris wrote: “Hey! My being a feminist had nothing to do with my watching the Star Wars prequels. It was Lucas brain washing that did that!”

…contradict what men say, eat food that’s been on the ground WAY longer than 5 seconds, get educations, blame their problems on grey-bearded directors… 

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message 23: by Petra X – rated it 1 starJun 03, 2015 04:05PM

Petra X

I’m not a feminist. I’m a post-feminist. 

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message 24: by SimonJun 03, 2015 04:42PM

Simon

May I ask? When you say you’re not a feminist, what exactly are you distancing yourself from? 

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message 25: by Petra X – rated it 1 starJun 03, 2015 04:47PM

Petra X

I knew I shouldn’t have posted that. I’m not distancing myself from feminists, I’ve just moved up to the next stage. I don’t want equality with men as much as a more female-directed world. Technology has made it possible and I think men and women would be happier and the world would probably (hopefully) be a great deal more peaceful. 

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message 26: by SimonJun 03, 2015 04:48PM

Simon

No, I’m glad you posted it, and thanks for your interesting answer! 

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message 27: by Petra X – rated it 1 starJun 03, 2015 05:08PM

Petra X

Really I just believe that men and women are different and that by playing to our individual strengths we might all be better fulfilled. Generalising (important word), men are much more focused and single-minded, women are much more multi-taskers and generally good managers (they manage most households). If we can, using technology to change work times/locations and restructure jobs to take advantage of our talents and different ideas towards families, we could perhaps move forward much more quickly. Instead we are stuck in traditional roles which were set up by men for a male working society but which, since men had to fulfil all the roles, were not necessarily ones that fulfil them either. If that makes sense. 

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message 28: by SimonJun 03, 2015 05:41PM

Simon

Do you think it makes any difference whether the differences you note between men and women are the effects of (relatively) malleable social causes or (relatively) unmalleable biological causes? And if so, do you think we are currently in possession of knowledge of which kinds of causes they have? 

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message 29: by Petra X – rated it 1 starJun 03, 2015 06:17PM

Petra X

I am not sure you can totally differentiate between social and biological in the 21st C where technology often supercedes biology. 

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message 30: by DierregiFeb 07, 2016 02:22AM

Dierregi

Can hardly believe this book is for real… 

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message 31: by Petra X – rated it 1 starJul 02, 2016 07:30AM

Petra X

I just got a comment that feminists are traitors to their sex. That we should stop trying to be imitation men and fulfil our destinies as wives and mothers. I deleted it. And him. 

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message 32: by Jose (last edited Feb 05, 2017 01:39PM)Feb 05, 2017 01:38PM

Jose Moa

Great review for a fitted book in this times, when some say that women must be dressed as women 

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message 33: by Petra X – rated it 1 starFeb 05, 2017 01:42PM

Petra X

Jose wrote: “Great review for a fitted book in this times, when some say that women must be dressed as women”

I’ve just read that out of the Syrian/Iraqi refugees who are wrecked at sea,34% of the men survive but only 16% of the women who are dragged down by their traditional dresses and hijab. That is so sad. 

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message 34: by Jose (last edited Feb 05, 2017 01:57PM)Feb 05, 2017 01:46PM

Jose Moa

I wholly agree with you,the sexes equality and extended human rights dont must know frontiers,nor cultures,nor religions,nor worlds,nor countries 

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message 35: by BarryFeb 05, 2017 02:29PM

Barry

Any book that has as its premise, god wants…this or that, is, on its face a book on religion. Therefore, it is simply illogical, irrational and illusionary. How can a fictional character want something in other than the author’s mind and the minds of those so naive as to make fiction real. 

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message 36: by Petra X – rated it 1 starFeb 05, 2017 02:54PM

Petra X

Barry wrote: “Any book that has as its premise, god wants…this or that, is, on its face a book on religion….”

Religion is irrational, that’s why it’s called ‘faith’. Religion is all about the control of people, specifically women and their wombs, by men. If you changed the word ‘women’ for ‘servants’ it might make more sense. 

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message 37: by WarpDrive (last edited Dec 20, 2017 11:02PM)Dec 20, 2017 07:53PM

WarpDrive

If I could give this review 100 likes, I would happily do so. I am also going to keep a link to it for future reference. 

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message 38: by Petra X – rated it 1 starDec 20, 2017 08:01PM

Petra X

WarpDrive wrote: “If I could give this review 100 likes, I would do it.”

Thank you. I am always mystified why cultural and religious oppression only applies to men. When we talk about it with women, well that’s called “the natural order” or a religious commandment or even ‘tradition’. 

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message 39: by RichardDec 20, 2017 09:29PM

Richard Derus

Ummm…ew. 

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message 40: by FionaDec 20, 2017 11:01PM

Fiona

What female audience is this book aimed at, Petra? Fundamentalists? I suppose they would buy into it as part of the package. Any woman I know would read it and say, ‘Get to……….’. 

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message 41: by BlackOxfordDec 21, 2017 03:56AM

BlackOxford

This message has been hidden because you have blocked this member. To view this message, click here.

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message 42: by Petra X – rated it 1 starDec 21, 2017 05:26AM

Petra X

BlackOxford wrote: “🤮”

What is that? Only the ‘bun’ no meat came up in this hamburger. 

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message 43: by BlackOxfordDec 21, 2017 05:33AM

BlackOxford

This message has been hidden because you have blocked this member. To view this message, click here.

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message 44: by Petra X – rated it 1 starDec 21, 2017 05:41AM

Petra X

ah…. didn’t display for me, thank you. 

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message 45: by Ms. SmartarseDec 21, 2017 09:26AM

Ms. Smartarse

The CDD website: “He is not a dictator. She is not a doormat.”
Me: ahahahahah!

That definition reads like some sort of thinly veiled, Christian-based BDSM rule book. 

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message 46: by JoseDec 21, 2017 10:40AM

Jose Moa

Petra you are a fountain of bizarre books, as this one unthinkable in a social rights advanced society. 

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message 47: by Petra X – rated it 1 starDec 21, 2017 02:18PM

Petra X

Ms. Smartarse wrote: “That definition reads like some sort of thinly veiled, Christian-based BDSM rule book. .”

I read the front page of that site and they make it very plain that they are NOT into BDSM which kind of turned me off. I mean if it was, “How to get kinky and still be a good Christian” it would have been more interesting. 

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message 48: by Petra X – rated it 1 starDec 21, 2017 02:19PM

Petra X

Jose wrote: “Petra you are a fountain of bizarre books, as this one unthinkable in a social rights advanced society.”

Sometimes I even sell them… 

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message 49: by ThomasDec 21, 2017 04:16PM

Thomas Strömquist

Petra wrote: ” if it was, “How to get kinky and still be a good Christian” it would have been more interesting”

Or even “How You Live as You Learn for Christians”… 

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message 50: by Petra X – rated it 1 starDec 21, 2017 06:10PM

Petra X

Thomas wrote: “How to get kinky and still be a good Christian” 
Or even “How You Live as You Learn for Christians”…”

BDSM for Christians?
Consensual domestic abuse? 

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«


message 51:
 by CecilyDec 30, 2017 12:06PM

Cecily

On this website, there are many biblical verses justifying a husband beating his wife.

I’m not sure I want to click the link you helpfully provided, but I’d put money on 99% of them being Old Testament. And that’s one thing I don’t get about many of the fundamentalist evangelical Christians: they seem to support the OT God, rather than the teachings of Jesus, so why do they claim to be Christians, rather than some variant of an OT faith? 

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message 52: by Jan-MaatDec 30, 2017 12:38PM

Jan-Maat

Cecily wrote: “”that’s one thing I don’t get about many of the fundamentalist evangelical Christians: they seem to support the OT God, rather than the teachings of Jesus, so why do they claim to be Christians, rather than some variant of an OT faith? .”

Do you really want an answer to that question? 

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message 53: by CecilyDec 30, 2017 12:48PM

Cecily

To my second question? Yes please. 

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message 54: by BlackOxfordDec 30, 2017 01:02PM

BlackOxford

This message has been hidden because you have blocked this member. To view this message, click here.
FYI Harold Bloom has at least a good argument that a woman wrote a substantial portion of the Pentateuch. See: https://www.goodreads.com/review/show…

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message 55: by Petra X (last edited Dec 30, 2017 01:07PM) – rated it 1 starDec 30, 2017 01:05PM

Petra X

Cecily wrote: “”but I’d put money on 99% of them being Old Testament. …”

That’s got nothing to do with anything – the Devil can quote scripture for his own purposes! When you have such vast books as the bible or the Shakespearean canon, you can usually find quotes that confirm one’s beliefs, no matter what they are.

That said, 

1. If God is God and the Old Testament is the original book, how can you decide that you want a different God and reinvent him and write him up as a totally different character in another book, the New Testament. That is God invented by man (which he was) and not a divine eternal being.

2. Never heard or seen Jewish women, even Hasidim or Orthodox (both of which I have in my family, well I was raised Orthodx) who are even slightly submissive. Abortion, contraception and making love (as opposed to sex for breeding) are all fine. Also I can’t think of any submissive Jewish women in the Old Testament. That’s more Christian, starting with Mary and the concept of sex as sin so she had to be a virgin. 

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message 56: by NormaCenvaDec 30, 2017 01:10PM

NormaCenva

This is a really good review, so happy that I follow you, Thanks a lot! 

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message 57: by ACDec 30, 2017 01:47PM

AC

aka “Or Why I am an Anarchist”

I thought this was a parody book — good god, no wonder this country (U.S.) is so screwed up. At least now we know what Roy Moore’s bedside reading is… 

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message 58: by CecilyDec 30, 2017 02:13PM

Cecily

Petra Merry Eggsmas wrote: “That’s got nothing to do with anything – the Devil can quote scripture for his own purposes! …”

Touché.

1. Yes… and no. Jesus explicitly said he came to superseded OT law, or something like that. (My religious phase was too long ago to remember specifics.)

2. I cunningly said a variant of an OT faith, rather than Judaism or Islam specifically. 
😉
These “Christian” fundamentalists’ beliefs don’t fit any conventional reading of NT Christianity, but probably not Judaism or Islam either. 

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message 59: by BlackOxford (last edited Dec 30, 2017 02:27PM)Dec 30, 2017 02:23PM

BlackOxford

This message has been hidden because you have blocked this member. To view this message, click here.
Cecily wrote: “Petra Merry Eggsmas wrote: “That’s got nothing to do with anything – the Devil can quote scripture for his own purposes! …”

Touché.

1. Yes… and no. Jesus explicitly said he came to superseded…”

Sorry: Jesus said he came to perfect the Law, in a way very similar to his near contemporary Rabbi Akiba, through love. It was Paul who abrogated the Law and demanded faith not love. Modern fundamentalists have a number of historical affinities, among which the strict Calvinists of the 16th and 17th centuries, who much prefer Paul to Jesus. It is these folk, mainly in the form of Baptists, who colonized most of the American mid-West. Reasons for everything really, even obdurate stupidity.

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message 60: by CecilyDec 30, 2017 04:05PM

Cecily

Good to have an expert on board. Thanks for the clarification, BlackOxford. 

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message 61: by Petra X – rated it 1 starDec 30, 2017 06:13PM

Petra X

BlackOxford wrote: “Jesus said he came to perfect the Law,…”

17 Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.

18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled.

19 Whosoever therefore shall break one of these least commandments, and shall teach men so, he shall be called the least in the kingdom of heaven: but whosoever shall do and teach them, the same shall be called great in the kingdom of heaven.

I would not have said that ‘perfect’ is the meaning of fulfil, but that’s arguable. However the others verses make it clear to me at least that all 613 commandments of the Torah are still in force!

Saul was pissed off that the Jews wouldn’t accept Jesus as the Messiah and (possibly) change their interpretation of the Torah, so he went off to Rome and became Paul. As with all new religions, you have to keep the best bits (to do with partying and food) in order to get people to come along with your new-fangled ideas. We all started off pagan so there are always spring, harvest and mid-winter festivals. 

Then you have to adapt your new religion to the locals and not upset their mores too much. Hence the early Christian church (and hence the ease of the spread of the always ready to be synchretised Catholicism). By the time Paul (and probably the caesar Augustus) got through with it, everything had been changed… 

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message 62: by BlackOxfordDec 30, 2017 06:50PM

BlackOxford

This message has been hidden because you have blocked this member. To view this message, click here.
Petra Merry Eggsmas wrote: “BlackOxford wrote: “Jesus said he came to perfect the Law,…”

17 Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.

18 For verily I say unto y…”

Bring to perfection/to make complete/to give the entire meaning of/to do what they (ie the Law and Prophets) say must be done, πληρῶσαι (plerosai) is one of those Greek verbs that doesn’t have an exact equivalent in English. And yes, you are certainly right about old Saul the tent maker. Frankly though, it’s unlikely that the spread of Christianity had much to do with Pauline theology since even he obviously didn’t know what he was talking about. Like most fundamentalists he just wanted to be in charge, of anything really. Augustus was long dead, but you’re quite right, not forgotten. He set the bar pretty high as far as things divine were concerned.

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message 63: by Petra X – rated it 1 starDec 30, 2017 07:12PM

Petra X

I don’t know why I said Augustus, I meant Constantine. 

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message 64: by Jessaka57 minutes ago

Jessaka

Who is this nut? 

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message 65: by Petra X – rated it 1 star10 minutes ago

Petra X

Jessaka wrote: “Who is this nut?”

He’s a top reviewer who has a superiority complex about his superior intelligence. 


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Memories of my Melancholy Whores

5 January, 2019
Memories of My Melancholy Whores

Memories of My Melancholy Whores by Gabriel García Márquez

To enjoy this book you have to enter the mind and world of this old, old man, living the last years of his life in poverty in the once-grand, decaying house of his youth. His career never rose above second-rate reporter, he never married and never even fell in love. His personal relationships with women were limited to the whores he paid for. A most unfulfilled life.

But then, for a present for his 90th birthday, he gives himself a 14 year-old virgin, a would-be whore. Exhausted from menial labour and drugged-up with valerian by the brothel madame, she sleeps every night they spend together and for the first time in his life he falls in love. In love with the idea of his sleeping beauty.

This is a poetic, sensual book that many reviewers, unable to see beyond their own ideas of fitness, have condemned as tawdry, a paean to pedophilia and just plain sick. But it isn’t. It’s the last flowering of a rose; touched by frost it should have died but instead is more glorious, more beautiful because it is so unseasonal, a real surprise. What it says about the nature of men’s love for young beauty is age-old: look good, be quiet and demure, and let him be the dominant one, is taken to an extreme here. It worked for Snow White, it worked for the Sleeping Beauty and it works for Delgadina too.

Love changes everything. Despite his 90 years, the old, old man walks with a spring in his step, his head held high and smiling to the world. He has an epiphany, ‘sex is the consolation one has for not finding enough love’ and writes about love in his weekly columns in the local newspaper. This brings him the fame, respect and friendship he had craved all his life. In his 91st year, at last, he has found fulfillment.

Ultimately, Gabriel Garcia Marquez says through this book: Never Give Up.

Stranger in a Strange Land

16 December, 2018
Stranger in a Strange Land

Stranger in a Strange Land by Robert A. Heinlein

“Nine times out of ten, if a girl gets raped, it’s at least partly her own fault.” The most quoted sentence from this book.

He’s right it is. A woman should shroud herself in black, even wear a veil over her eyes and for extra protection she should wear a big size of Doc Martin boots so it could be a man under the shroud (Michael Jackson used to do that) and always be accompanied when she goes out. Which should be rarely. Very rarely. When she is in the house (most of the time) she should have the view through windows obscured and a chain on the door. No man who is not related to her should enter. Not workmen, not the police, not her son’s friends from school. No one. Then she won’t be raped.

If she doesn’t do all of the above, and she she is raped it is obviously her fault. If she does do all of the above and she is raped, then she should examine her conscience and see if there was something else she could have done to protect herself and didn’t.

This sounds like Saudi Arabia right? Or Afghanistan or any of those countries. This is because I was reading how there are very few rapes in these countries. It wouldn’t have anything to do with the harsher penalties that the courts often apply to the victim rather than the rapist would it? 

I suppose if you hold the attitude of it must be her fault ‘9 times out of 10’ her punishment is just and knowing that, she isn’t going to complain. Is this the world Heinlen, a large number of British and Caribbean judges (I don’t know about American ones so much) would like to see? I don’t think so, but then they still blame women. “She was drunk”, “she wore a short skirt”, “she was out alone at night”, or even simply, “she was out”, “she opened the door to a workman”, she, she, she… Normal men don’t rape, they like the woman to enjoy sex too. Rape is a crime of assault and violence. Normal men who like the idea of hard, violent sex like women who enjoy that kink too. Rape is never, ever, ever the response to lust by a normal man.

It would be best if a woman home-schooled her daughters so that they are never exposed to risk but since they will not be going out very much, probably education beyond reading, writing and using a computer is pointless as housework, cooking and childcare will be all she really needs and she can get that from the endless reality shows she will no doubt watch as there isn’t anything else much to do. A lot of men in the world would like to see this, minus the computer use. A lot of men in the world actually enforce this on women. And they still have rape in those countries.

The book was brilliant and I read it years before I had my consciousness raised (horrible phrase). Just glanced at it again today and was reading some reviews and this rant just bubbled up, as they do.

5 stars for being a brilliant book. 1 star for attitude towards women, total misogyny. Average 3 stars.

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Secret Lives of Ants

10 December, 2018

Secret Lives of AntsSecret Lives of Ants by Jae Choe

My rating: 5 of 5 stars

This very scholarly, but readable book explores the lives of ants that have fascinatingly similar correlations with our own. Ants farm, have cities, infants’ nurseries, form armies and are intelligent in a way science cannot explain. The physical basis of our intelligence also cannot be explained.

However, this book does go some way to exploring a distributed, shared intelligence where all individuals are part of a single mind, yet still have autonomy. Ants foraging individually are, like bees, able to tell other ants where to go. One ant might help another with a burden whereas other ants might choose not to do so. It is as if all ants are physically individual neurons of a single brain, but each neuron can fire on it’s own which might trigger actions in other neurons, or might not.

Science has been able to describe the brain and all it’s physical workings much as any other organ. It has also been able to describe various functions in particular areas. So far though, no one has been able to find a physical base for intelligence, character and personality. So much as we might go on about big brains v small ones (which is ridiculous, if there was any correlation at all elephants and blue whales would be running the world and cockroaches would be extinct) we still have no idea how or where intelligence is produced.

There is also the issue that scientists cannot resist measuring the intelligence of non-humans against human standards. They give animals tests and say it is more intelligent if it can solve a puzzle set by them they would not find in nature. Maybe that makes the animal more pliable, more able to think outside the box, but then maybe its environment means it has to do that and that an animal that cannot solve human puzzles has less need of a pliable problem-solving ability and needs one that is more dedicated to its environment. As ants do.

I remember reading of a test where things flashed up on the screen and the pigeon subject had to hit a lever according to what it was and were then rewarded with a nugget of food. They did better than the Harvard university students. However, when the students were rewarded with M&Ms their performance outstripped that of the pigeons. What does that say about intelligence tests and those who set and interpret them?

This book will have you thinking. It will make you wonder where the basis of farming, cities and armies really comes from. Was it the planting of grain and needing to stay around (in permanent dwellings with store rooms) and the consequent diversification of the jobs people, previously hunter gatherers needed to do? Or is it somehow lodged as a method of organisation in our lizard brains, something that resides in the oldest part of our minds that got recalled, by different groups, when the conditions were right?

 

Deep Sea and Foreign-Going – A review and sailing the Atlantic in a small yacht along with gigantic container ships

11 November, 2018

Deep Sea and Foreign Going: Inside Shipping, the Invisible Industry That Brings You 90% of EverythingDeep Sea and Foreign Going: Inside Shipping, the Invisible Industry That Brings You 90% of Everything by Rose George
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

This was an interesting enough book about the shipping part of our capitalist world. But from the perspective of a yacht on the ocean, container ships are considerably less than amazing and somewhat frightening. They often are on autopilot and no one is on watch or monitoring the radio – they have such skeleton crews, maybe only 6 people. They sometimes run a black ship which means no navigation lights, so you can’t see their hulks on a cloudy, moonless night even though you can hear their engines from quite a long way off. The crew have no idea they are bearing down on a small sailing yacht and would not even know if they sank one. I believe this is the fate of many yachts lost at sea.

I sailed the Atlantic with three friends on a 34′ catamaran, unfortunately the skipper was a paranoid alcoholic. He had some sort of psychotic break when we got stuck in the doldrums after Cape Verde and thereafter spent most of his time on the sail bags with a machete at one side, a bottle of spirits at the other. After our fridge broke down every time he saw a container ship (the only ships we ever saw) he would radio for them to dinghy over ice! They never answered the radio. We saw six ships between Cape Verde and Brazil. The ocean is a lonely place.

(Plenty of dolphins though, especially on a stormy night with no light other than the phosphorescence of the sea spray).

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Comments

message 1: by Laura Oct 17, 2016 09:45AM
Laura Sounds quite frightening.

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message 2: by Petra X – rated it 4 stars Oct 17, 2016 10:46AM
Petra XLaura wrote: “Sounds quite frightening.”

It was. Alone at night on the helm and suddenly seeing a large tanker not too far away that is moving at speed and I am only under sail is freaky. That’s when we discovered that they never answer the radio, at least at night. The only thing to do is change course and if there isn’t much wind, put the engine on and motor out to safety.

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message 3: by Pete Oct 17, 2016 02:58PM
Pete daPixie

In my time as a Radio Officer back in the 70’s ships were often on a fixed heading, full ahead with the bridge deserted. Yo ho ho & a bottle of rum.

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message 4: by MomToKippy Oct 17, 2016 03:43PM
MomToKippy Great story!

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message 5: by Petra X – rated it 4 stars Oct 17, 2016 06:37PM
Petra XPete wrote: “In my time as a Radio Officer back in the 70’s ships were often on a fixed heading, full ahead with the bridge deserted. Yo ho ho & a bottle of rum.”

Where did you sail to?

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message 6: by Pete Oct 18, 2016 07:18AM
Pete daPixie
Petra X wrote: “Pete wrote: “In my time as a Radio Officer back in the 70’s ships were often on a fixed heading, full ahead with the bridge deserted. Yo ho ho & a bottle of rum.”

Where did you sail to?”Mostly north of the Arctic circle, I recall 80deg N 15deg E. N. Cape of Norway, Russia, Denmark Strait, Barents Sea, White Sea. Not pleasant, especially in winter. 24hr darkness, big seas, blizzards, bergs, growlers, iced-up superstructure and frostbite!
Not exactly P. & O. cruising.

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message 7: by Pete (last edited Oct 18, 2016 07:22AM) Oct 18, 2016 07:21AM
Pete daPixie
Oh yeah…if you’d radio’d me on Channel 16= 156.8Mhz for ice you could have had plenty.

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message 8: by Petra X – rated it 4 stars Oct 18, 2016 07:26AM
Petra X I followed the old directions for the West Indies – sail South until the butter melts, then West. Always stayed in warmer places. I don’t like the cold at all.

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message 9: by Pete Oct 18, 2016 08:12AM
Pete daPixie
Petra X wrote: “I followed the old directions for the West Indies – sail South until the butter melts, then West. Always stayed in warmer places. I don’t like the cold at all.”Very wise. I didn’t have much choice. I was a Merchant Navy officer just as the 70’s oil crisis hit, when OPEC did more damage to British shipping than Hitler’s U boats.

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message 10: by Petra X – rated it 4 stars Oct 18, 2016 09:58AM
Petra X I’d like to finish sailing around the world now. If I hadn’t fallen in love/got married/baby when I got to the Caribbean, I’d have done it first time round. Not so easy to find a skipper who isn’t looking for very young crew who look good in bikinis though (and are at least 25 years younger than the skipper).

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message 11: by Adina (last edited Oct 18, 2016 11:52AM) Oct 18, 2016 11:48AM
Adina You have such interesting stories though sometimes frightening. I never sailed but I am a bit afraid of travelling by sea since I was on a boat in Seychelles and had to battle some “huge” waves. The crew had no problem with them as they were going full speed but I was freaked out. To make things even better , a lot of people around me were throwing up. Not the best journey I had.

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message 12: by Petra X – rated it 4 stars Oct 18, 2016 01:01PM
Petra XAdina wrote: “I never sailed but I am a bit afraid of travelling by sea since I was on a boat in Seychelles and had to battle some “huge” waves. Th…”

I can understand that! If depends on the direction of the waves whether they are frightening or not. If you are going with them, they’re great, it increases your speed. If you aren’t sailing with them and are on the helm, you are busy dealing with each wave individually so they aren’t frightening, but otherwise if you are just hanging on… yes, scary. When the four of us sailed the Atlantic three of us were sea sick. You get over it. Also there are transderm scop patches that make you feel quite normal

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message 13: by Caroline – added it Oct 18, 2016 11:09PM
Caroline Wow, the skipper on your catamaran sounded scary. If I was out on the Atlantic I would want someone 100% predictable & reliable in charge!

Those container ships sound pretty weird too. How worrying that they can’t see small boats that they may be approaching…

This book has been on my t-r lists for a while. It sounds pleasantly off-beat.

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message 14: by Ina – added it Oct 19, 2016 05:21AM
Ina Cawl great story Petra
well where i live the sea used to be invested with Pirates now it is invested with huge Military Ships
but for one thing sure i fear and loath sea
it is beautiful to watch it from far but i feel so scared to lay my leg on it
had a bad history with sea

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message 15: by Petra X – rated it 4 stars Oct 19, 2016 06:22AM
Petra XIna wrote: “great story Petra
well where i live the sea used to be invested with Pirates now it is invested with huge Military Ships but for one thing sure i fear and loath sea …”

The military ships are Somalian and there to control the pirates? What happened to you to at sea that caused you such fear?

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message 16: by Ina – added it Oct 19, 2016 06:38AM
Ina Cawl well we do not have any military Ships but those i saw were french Japenese and and chinese Ships and they were guarding international see lanes
well let mesay i was going to be drowned the last two time i visited the Red Sea and Indian ocean
so i tend to stay at shore

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message 17: by Petra X – rated it 4 stars Oct 19, 2016 09:15AM
Petra XIna wrote: “well we do not have any military Ships but those i saw were french Japenese and and chinese Ships and they were guarding international see lanes
well let mesay i was going to be drowned the last tw…”

How were you going to be drowned???? What happened?

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message 18: by Deanna Oct 19, 2016 07:03PM
Deanna That does sound terrifying!

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message 19: by Joe Oct 21, 2016 01:16AM
Joe A six person crew on one of those monsters! Anyway, great (scary) anecdote and great review.

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message 20: by Ina – added it Oct 21, 2016 04:22AM
Ina Cawl well i tried to swim while i do not know how to swim and that caused my almost drowning

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message 21: by Petra X – rated it 4 stars Oct 21, 2016 07:06AM
Petra XIna wrote: “well i tried to swim while i do not know how to swim and that caused my almost drowning”

Ah! Poor you. Swimming doesn’t come naturally, take lessons. It’s like riding a bicycle, some sort of knack the body learns. Once you can do it, that’s it, you can always do it.

Blue, the crab

8 November, 2018

I don’t know how it got there but there is a fist-sized soldier crab under my dining table. He’s much brighter than the one in the picture – bright orange, scarlet and purple. I’ve given him some dry cat food.

      

Years ago when I lived in a house with a huge garden I found a crab fallen into the cat food bowl which was outside, by the front step. I saw him again a while later, so I put a dab of red paint on him and called him Blue (don’t ask) and he was a regular visitor after that. Eventually, I had three soldier crabs all with paint on to identify them, Yellow, Green and Red2. They took about three weeks to circumnavigate the house before announcing their return by falling heavily, clank clank clank, over the rim of the metal cat food bowl. All the crabs stayed around for quite a while, but I had Blue until I moved a couple of years later. I like to believe he even came to know me.

I used to run a crab-shell shop. Not really a shop because nobody paid and I didn’t know I was running it, but I was certainly the supplier.

I had a lot of shells in buckets, boxes and bowls outside the villa I lived in which were generally a mess by the morning no matter how tidily I’d left them. At night I would hear scraping and banging noises but by the time I got up and got the screen door open all would be quiet. One night I left the curtains open and when I heard the noise shone a flashlight on to a large number of soldier crabs who were busy shucking off their shells and trying on new ones for size! It was quite amusing until I heard a really big scraping noise – it was a land crab, really huge. I trapped it under a bucket and its claws stuck out both sides. I don’t know what it was doing up there because land crabs grow their own shells, it’s only soldier crabs that ‘shop’ for new ones.

So perhaps Blue wasn’t just one crab, but many, all of whom liked the shell and when it fitted, wore it, and then when they had grown bigger and fatter shucked it, ready for the next crab to try on for size and all of them I called ‘Blue’.

Freedom Sailors, a book by an author who believes that the Nazis were a Zionist party & the Charlie Hebdo massacre was done by the Israelis.

21 October, 2018

Freedom Sailors: The Maiden Voyage of the Free Gaza movement and how we succeeded in spite of ourselvesFreedom Sailors: The Maiden Voyage of the Free Gaza movement and how we succeeded in spite of ourselves by Greta Berlin

My rating: 1 of 5 stars

This is not about approving or disapproving of the Israeli sea blockade of Gaza. It is not about being pro or anti Palestianian or Israeli. All of this is political and contentious. It is about the motives for writing this book which I think are important as one needs to be able to tell what is subjective (almost everything about the situation from both sides) and objective and that which goes further and is sheer propaganda and even further into anti-semitism, or racism if you prefer. (And that which goes further and is sheer propaganda and even further into anti-semitism, or racism if you prefer)

The author, Greta Berlin, seems to be famous for two things more than anything else. She said, addressing a large audience in Paris, that Mossad was guilty of the Charlie Hebdo murders, and had previously tweeted,

“Zionists operated the concentration camps and helped murder millions of innocent Jews.”

This was to do with an anti-semitic video she was discussing, one which the film-makers said wasn’t for public viewing(!). She clearly isn’t a holocaust denier as it is said of her, more a Nazi-involvement denier. ‘Nazi’ is apparently shorthand for National Socialism Zionist Party, the two together.

The DailyBeast has an article on the controversy. (Great name isn’t it, DailyBeast?)

A profile of Greta Berlin who is married to a Palestinian man, is available here

Some have said that it hurts the Palestinian cause when it is associated with anti-Semitism, but what else is the Palestinian cause if not that? After all I don’t see the Palestinians demanding Jordan give up the 70% of its land that it got when the British Mandate in Palestine was divided. Would the 30% that became the state of Israel be so problematic if it was Muslim, like Jordan?

Fatima wrote in more detail on her review

For what it’s worth, my own view.  Jordan should return the 70& of the land it was awarded on which I am sure the majority of Palestinians lived and that together with what is now the State of Israel, Gaza and the West Bank be formed into an entirely secular state. The UN has successfully kept Japan and Germany from having a military capability, it could do so in a much smaller country too. If there was a will to it…

Levels of guilt for not enjoying books that everyone else does

17 July, 2018

Toast: The Story of a Boy's HungerToast: The Story of a Boy’s Hunger by Nigel Slater

My rating: 2 of 5 stars

Levels of guilt for not enjoying books that everyone else does.

Whenever I start to read a book that everyone seems to like and several of my friends write glowing reviews about and I absolutely loathe, I feel guilty. I feel that there is something wrong with me.

There is a scarcely-conscious ranking in my mind of how guilty I have to feel about disliking a book. At the top of the scale are the much-lauded cultural icons I really, really loathe, like Virginia Woolf. Lots of guilt there.

At the bottom of the scale are the popular authors people rave about that I feel I should have enjoyed more but really didn’t, authors like Kate Atkinson, Liane Moriarty, Agatha Christie and Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. Nigel Slater is somewhere around the middle on this scale.

The authors I don’t feel guilty about loathing their books are the ones force-fed to me in school, Charles Dickens, George Eliot and Thomas Hardy come to mind.

Then there are those authors who, no matter their immense popularity, I cannot persuade myself that what they wrote had any discernable merit like C.S. Lewis, L. Frank Baum and Dr. Seuss. I don’t feel guilt with them, I feel resentful that I am supposed to like them and people make out they cannot understand how I not only don’t like them but can’t appreciate their great and lasting value and how could I deprive my kids.

(I got trolled endlessly for disliking The Lorax, well over a 100 comments, but quite a lot got deleted by the sock puppet inventing various identities to troll me with.)

So Nigel, I didn’t like this book. I don’t like you on tv either. And yes I feel guilty you look like such a warm and friendly dude, but like… well, no chemistry, no literary chemistry at all,

Reviewed July 16, 2018

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Letting Ana Go or how insurance companies stop poor anorexics suffering from a lingering death

9 July, 2018

Letting Ana GoLetting Ana Go by Anonymous
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

Anorexia is the medium that carries the message in this book. It’s not what kills the teenage diary writer, although she does die from it.

This book is built from cliches. One builds on another. Perhaps cliches are new and fresh to teenagers but those with years of reading behind them can see the next one coming.

The teenage diary writer, ‘Ana’ is from a newly-broken home. Her mother is fat, her father’s new girlfriend is thin with big boobs He gives her a car instead of love. Her best friend is, at her mother’s encouragement, losing weight to get the lead part in a ballet. So they diet together. Best friend’s brother whom she’s known forever becomes a boyfriend, must be because of the way she looks, right? Then there is the sports coach who pays lip service to protecting the girls from anorexia. An only-second-best friend who is of course jealous, A size 2 dress that has to be got into, ana-mia sites online with seductive girls showing their ribs and boy-hips etc. It’s a life where the only control Ana feels she has is over her own body and the better it looks (to her) the more the world will love her.

The author is such a fake. She pretends that she is protecting her more vulnerable readers by never setting less than healthy limits. She starts ‘Ana’ and Jill off on 1,750 calories a day and has them reduce it to 1,250, it never goes beneath 1,000. The anorexics I knew were restricting themselves to 400 and 600 calories. The amount of food described in the diary does not add up to anything like 1,000 calories a day. Then there is the obsessive exercise and laxatives. The name of the tea in the book, Ballerina, is also a genuine slimmer’s tea that is based on senna pods, a laxative. My grandma had two glasses by her bed at night, one for her teeth and one full of senna pods and water to keep her regular!

Eventually ‘Ana’ overdoes it and collapses. Hospital etc follows but she cannot be kept in for long because the insurance won’t cover it. She comes out and is determined to be healthy, but soon the lure of anorexia, of control, gets her again. More doctors. But they cannot help, nor can she be an inpatient because she doesn’t have the insurance cover, even though her mother is a nurse in the same hospital. It’s the same with therapists, there is no money to pay them, no insurance that will cover them, just group therapy which isn’t intensive enough.

Meanwhile her wealthy ballerina friend Jill has also collapsed from her extreme dieting. She is whisked off to an expensive clinic that specialises in teenage anorexics.

I could go on, but you get the picture. At the end ‘Ana’ dies and Jill lives. They both suffered from anorexia but ‘Ana’ couldn’t afford or get insurance to cover the treatment. Jill’s wealthy family had the means to get the care that would heal their daughter.

What killed ‘Ana’ was that medicine in the US is primarily a high-profit business, care and healing have to be purchased. If you can’t pay, only the minimum is provided. Insurance companies are like a legalised mafia. Pay them ‘protection’ money and they will help you out when you need it. To a point. Further than that point they’ll cut you off or… kill you. ‘Ana’ was too needy she had to die.
__________

I’ve seen this book ascribed to the infamous Beatrice Sparks of Go Ask Alice fame. She didn’t write it. Sparks would have been in her 90s when it was written – how much youth culture would she have been familiar with then – and dead a few years before it was published. She was also an ultra-conservative who saw everything in black and white. One step on the wrong path and it doesn’t matter what you do, you are doomed. This book wasn’t like that. Also although it wasn’t well written it wasn’t hilariously bad as Beatrice Sparks’ books are.

3.5 stars rounded down because the efforts at including steamy romance were puerile.

Rewritten July 2018 on a quick reread.

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Does it Fart, or why orangutans sleep alone

6 July, 2018

Does It Fart?: The Definitive Field Guide to Animal FlatulenceDoes It Fart?: The Definitive Field Guide to Animal Flatulence by Dani Rabaiotti

My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Silent but deadly farts are the worst kind. The terrible, eye-watering smell that you try and pretend you aren’t reeling backwards from, the sort where the Queen tightens her lips and gives side-eye to Prince Philip when she lets one loose. But they aren’t really deadly. No one has died from being farted on.

However, the beaded lacewing, a pretty insect is a ferocious carnivore as a larva. When hungry it directs the tip of its abdomen to a termite’s head and toots out a deadly gas cloud. One to three minutes later the termites will just lie on their backs with their legs waving around. Fresh food. That’s a really silent but deadly.

Something truly disgusting. Cockroaches can not only run around when beheaded they can fart too. They are world-class farters and not only feast on human food, they fart over it as well.

Whether or not a creature farts depends on the design of it’s intestinal tract and if it eats fibre. Most creatures do, but octopuses do not, and no one is sure if bats do. Orangutans, clever beasts, seem to enjoy farting and like to make raspberry noises as counterpoint to their toots, especially when lying in their nests at night. Yes, they sleep alone.